cottage cheese blues
December 15, 2011 § Leave a comment
Between dining on low-fat cottage cheese for lunch for three days running, wrestling with sleep deprivation, receiving zero packages in the mail from Chicago/Columbia/NYU, trying without success to put the reigns on my emotional restlessness/overactive imagination, running myself ragged at work, and – this is the kicker – having all the emotional tumult I’ve been feeling lately dismissed by someone I care about as a load of “nothing”, this last week has been – how do I say this politely? – no fucking bueno, my friends. In fact, I reached the summit of no bueno yesterday when I opened a Doctors Without Borders mail package, read a few lines about war-ravaged refugees, and abruptly started sobbing while standing by myself in the cold, drafty kitchen of my house. (There, there, child.)
In more positive news, I read back into my files and was pleasantly surprised by well the writing for the debate teamsters piece has aged – it’s not-bad, even mildly witty. Scratch that – actually, I felt damned pleased with myself! You can never tell if it’s good when you’ve just written it and it’s too hot to touch closely. Bobby is back from Chicago, so I’ll be visiting him this weekend. I have plans to see an installment of The Moth Storyslam at the El Cid in January with friends. Housewarming party on the 23rd. Will I be my debilitatingly awkward self, or will I muster up the wherewithal to be a little brave?
Good things: Cutting a check to Doctors Without Borders. It felt good. Generally it feels good to give money away. I put the map they sent me up in my room — that felt nice too. John Updike’s incredibly luxuriant prose style – here is a dude who knew how to write a sentence, people. At the office tenant luncheon, a portly bespectacled lady playing these sexy shimmying holiday tunes on her violin. Laughing with B. on the phone about soccer players (“120′ – Robin Van Persie scores”). Porter Robinson’s Unison. Malefica. The high, coming off my 900 wds yesterday – reconnection with the material, the feeling of reacquiring your nimble fingers at the keyboard, hopeful smiles all around.